Her Husband Told Her To ‘Back Off’ Their Daughter, And That’s When It Hit Her

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Mom and author Susannah B. Lewis shared a wonderful message about the need to “let go” and “back off” when raising a teenager.

mom shares message on raising a teen
Credit: Susannah B. Lewis / Facebook

Lewis’s post has been shared more than 23,000 times on Facebook.

This is what she wrote:

“Last night my husband told me, “The Bible says don’t provoke your children to anger. You’ve got to back off of her.”


I reflected on that for a good long while. Why am I giving her such a hard time? Nitpicking? Constantly on her about something? Why am I making everything a battle?

Thing is, she’s a great kid. She’s an A student, a go-getter, straight-laced. Her drive and determination leave me in awe. She’s obedient, she makes good decisions, she’s kind.

So what is the reason I keep coming at her this way? In hysterics because her room is a mess or she made me wait 10 minutes for her after practice? Why am I so angry all the time?

And then it hit me.

I don’t want to let her go.

I’m trying to keep control. Her independence scares me. Her social calendar is full and I’m not on it. Grounding her over her messy room keeps her home with me. Yelling about petty things keeps her under my thumb. It keeps me in charge. My anger is a product of fear.

I told her last night, “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never raised a teenager. I’m learning as we go.”

And she gives me grace. Time and again. When I fly off the handle in an attempt to keep her under my wing. To keep her little. To keep her in my sight and in my reins.

In two years, her room will be empty. She’ll be away at college and the very thought makes me nauseated. I have a literal physical reaction at the notion of her not being in her bed upstairs when I go to sleep at night.

But it isn’t about me. It’s about her and the young woman God created her to be. He has good plans for future. And I can’t get in the way.

I have to back off. Before she backs away from me.

Lord, help us to humbly and gracefully loosen our grip on these precious children you’ve entrusted in our care since their birth.

And entrust them, fully, unto You.”

Lewis’s post has been well received by thousands of parents. Perhaps you needed to hear it, too. Because you are not alone.

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